The square life

Before 2015, I was a young mom who enjoyed my life. I worked 7/8 to 4/5 Monday-Friday, swam on Saturday, rest and enjoy family time on Sunday. I woke up at 5 am at the latest, prepared breakfast, got my self and Aira ready, or sometimes I just enjoyed her unique baby smell and leave for work. After work, sometime I prepared dinner, but sometimes the dinner was ready and we ate together with my husband, Aira, and my mother in  law. After dinner, we watched tv, played, or read a book before bed time. I really enjoyed that moment and I missed it. I used to spend my time with my beloved around me.

Moved to Copenhagen, I lost all my life. I do not know anymore how my life should be. I cant enjoy anything I do. I work 9-5 in my (square) office, doing basically nothing in the evening in my (square) room, cooking for the whole week on Saturday, and facetime (in a square screen) the whole weekend. I do not know how to enjoy the moment ALONE. I have tried to watch "how to be single" movie, but that's not the kind of life I would like to have. I enjoy sometime I spent with lab mate in some of our activities, I enjoy socializing with my flatmates, I enjoy time with my only best friend in Copenhagen. But that does not fulfill me. Am I not grateful enough?

Today is a very nice day. The sky is blue. The sun shines brightly. Most people sunbath outside. But for me, the blue or grey the sky is, that dark cloud is still above me. I miss you, Aira.

For me, the nice day hurts me because it reminds me to Indonesia's weather. I should have been around with Aira. and then I see people with their children playing in the park and I cry.